this is not our home
hey guys! you were probably thinking that i gave up on my blog because i haven't written in so long. but here i am! i've been so stinkin busy with school, work, and life in general that i didn't have the time to sit down and write something actually worth reading. school is ~almost~ over though, so my classes are getting a little easier and i have some time to just relax.
so let's just get into this thing.
a couple weeks ago my wrist began to ache at the weirdest times. i can't sit in certain positions without it hurting and sending pain up my whole arm. i can't lift heavy objects, and every morning i wake up with wrist pain. i thought i had just been sleeping on it wrong, and that eventually the pain would go away.
long story short, i found out that i have a cyst in my wrist causing all of this fuss. the only way to get rid of it is surgery or getting it drained. with summer and college quickly approaching, i do not want to have surgery. although, getting it drained is not the recommended solution because it can come back or just continue to bother me. i still don't know what solution i will partake in yet (because i haven't went to the doctor to discuss it), but all i know is that i cannot keep living with this pain.
when i was younger, maybe six or seven years old, i had this super awkward feeling 24/7-- i felt like i had to pee all. the. time. but when i would go to the restroom, only 1/10 times would i actually have to pee. i spent about two years going back and forth to different children's hospitals, and had around thirty different tests ran on me for what it could be. eventually the doctors gave up and told my mom that they cannot find the solution and i will just have to live with this feeling.
so i have been living with it. it's not a pain interrupting normal life, it just gets annoying at times.
next came softball. i played softball from third grade to my freshman year of high school. honestly it wasn't just a game to me. i played all year long, plus went to a pitching coach twice a week, every week. i loved this game more than anything. during my freshman year i began having excruciating pain in my right knee, so after weeks of being in pain i finally went to the hospital. the doctors tested me for what they thought it could be, had x-rays and mri's taken. still they couldn't find the solution. i then had to see a specialist, because none of the other doctors could find the problem. one of them even asked me, "are you sure you're having pain? we cannot find anything." after many more tests, the specialist found out that i have what is called patellofemoral maltracking. basically my tissues on the side of me knee are completely gone and bone is rubbing against bone. the only solution is surgery; they would take tissue from the other side of my knee cap and move it to the empty side. but, after this surgery i would not be able to play soccer or softball, or any sport for that matter. i decided to get a special brace made for me to wear during soccer, however this was the end of my softball career, and yet another issue that the doctors could not fully cure.
over this past summer my stomach was causing me so much grief. i could not eat a lot of foods without feeling horrible and eventually getting sick. my stomach pains would be so bad that every morning i woke up with stomach and chest pains. it would take me several minutes to even get up out of bed because of these pains. my pediatrician ran many tests on me, later saying that i am lactose-intolerant. so no more dairy for me. which is fine, because i don't like a lot of dairy products anyway. but my stomach and chest continued to hurt. after even more tests, it showed that i have too much acid in my stomach. the acid is digesting my food much faster than it should be, causing me to get sick. when i lay down, the acid moves more toward my chest, which causes the chest pains. it took months to figure out the problems in my stomach, and there is really no cure; just pills i can take and to watch what i eat. i am such a forgetful person though, that the pills very rarely get taken.
anyways, the point of me describing all of my medical history is that they all have something in common. it took the doctors forever to figure out what is wrong, and none of them have been cured. i still live with the feeling like i have to use the restroom 25/8, still have sharp pains in my knee, still wake up with chest pains, and still get an upset stomach almost every single day. i used to complain and grumble about all of these problems, but i have learned that these problems and issues i have are only reminders that i am not home yet. us humans were never meant to tolerate and bear pains in this life. we are just simply not strong enough for that. but one day, i will meet my heavenly father who has every pain of mine written on his arms. he will greet me with the biggest, warmest, sweetest hug and say, "my daughter, now you are home."
for this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.
hebrews 13:14
i cannot wait to be in my permanent home, with a new body, new stomach, new knee, and now a new wrist. but while i am here on this earth, i surely will not complain of my little reminders that this is not the best. the best is still yet to come.
therefore, to keep me from becoming conceited, i was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of satan, to torment me. three times i pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore, i will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, i delight in my weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.
2 corinthians 12:7-10
